Watch what you are watching!

Summer vacations started barely one week ago. And I was already bored.

So on this boring Thursday afternoon, I thought maybe watching TV will entertain me.

I grab the remote from my dad who is patiently watching some cricket match.

Click.

I land on some channel where a woman with extremely heavy make-up is reading tarot cards and twirling her fingers at the same time. “Buy this expensive gaudy green stone to find love.” I don’t think so.

Click.

“Mein toh sirf pyaar mohabat mein vishvas karta hoon,” Rajnikant drawls in his south Indian accent in ‘Tamacha’ and then very next instant, a female dressed in white runs across the screen singing and dancing “pyaaaaaaaaaaar!!”

Click.

Shilpa Shetty (pre-plastic surgery) and Govinda are dancing on a dimly lit set. ‘Gambler, gambler hoon mein.’

Click.

On some home shoppe channel, a woman is wearing an extremely drab salwar kameez and is trying to sell it by explaining how a matching chiffon dupatta is so hard to find. ‘You can wear it for evening parties and when people ask you where you got it from, you will have to tell them that it was from our channel!’

Ha, no, silly woman, just no.

Click.

Some south Indian channel which makes no sense to me. But all the men in that show have mustaches. All of them. Even some of the women.

Click.

Cartoon Network.

Bangbang. A man with a skull for his face is running. Killkill. He flies. Kills some more.

Too bloody violent.

Click.

Discovery. Something about the Second World War. But with Hindi voiceovers. It is weird to watch white guys mouthing out-of-sync Hindi words.

Click.

Some Gujarati channel. A woman is making thepla.

Click.

Vh1.

Ah!! Advertisements!! Great! Then some crappy reality show starts. No music videos.

Click.

Some Hindi music channel. Kangana Ranaut is dancing to “Jungleee.”

Click.

On some news channel, some bhenji-type female is cutting a watermelon. ‘Kalingad khao, garami bhagao!’ Which is shown four times.

How is that news!?

I flip through some more channels but I don’t stay on any one for more than five seconds.

My brain is numb from excessive exposure to concentrated amounts of crap. I surrender the remote to my dad and go back to the good ol' Facebook.