28 June, 2011

Good night

“Good night.”
The chasm between wishing goodnight and actually falling asleep.
You lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling and think.
Just think.
About your day. How good it was. How nothing went wrong. Or how you totally screwed up.
You shouldn’t have attended that lecture. And when you did, you shouldn’t have fallen asleep.
You shouldn’t have yelled at your professor. And you wouldn’t have been thrown out of the class.
That just proves that t-shirt you wore today is indeed unlucky for you. Doesn’t it?
You wore it the day of the results. That was the first big indicator. And the day your friend (now, ex-friend) accused you of gossiping about her.
You should have known it is unlucky. Never again, not even at home, will you wear it now.
You should probably stop thinking about all this, and go to sleep. Or else, you will fall asleep in another lecture tomorrow again.

Then you try to block everything out, random thoughts and guilt over things you can’t change, that were not really your fault.
Everything just floods into your brain at the same time.
The injured dog you saw on the street but didn’t know how to help him.
That old man at the station carrying luggage for someone and then being paid less than he deserved.
Those kids at traffic signals trying to sell flowers. The random kid waving you goodbye after you got off the train.
Abandoning the cute kitten in the park because your parents wouldn’t let you get it home.
The very old blind lady near your college who lived on the footpath.

All that guilt you hoard inside yourself threatens to take over…
…and then you fall asleep.

You don’t know when-how-why but you manage to have a good night’s sleep.

The best part of the day…hell, the best part about life on earth…is when you first emerge from a good night’s sleep.
As you slowly emerge from your slumber, you exist in a very primal…okay, even infantile stage. You’re rested. You’re safe.
On the most fundamental level: you are alive. You’ve stayed off death for another day.
The feeling of cosmic bliss is, however, fleeting. If you are lucky you can stretch it out to...oh...two or three seconds.
After that, old man consciousness comes to stay and he’s brought his pal reality with him, the bastard.
You try and hold them off, but…it’s too late.
You start to think…
You start to remember all of your responsibilities. All of the people who are counting on you, who depend on you. You also remember all of the people, all of them, who you let down.
All the people you have to face today… and all that commitments and… more and more and more.
A lifetime piling up.

And then they expect you to get out of bed.

 - Alex Robinson, Tricked

He roams around our college with heavy metallic stuff tied around his neck.

This women served us 'Pitla Bhakri' when we had gone for a trek to Ticona.

Some school kids in a village in Gujurat.

She was stroking that calf so fearlessly.

When we were leaving from that village, this girl came running and asked me to take her picture.